She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
