Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
