just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize