So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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