I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
