im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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