can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
