Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize