at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
