y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
