...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
