i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
