peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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