I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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