You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
