she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My ATM looks so different sober.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
