You're my little dorito
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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