We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
