Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
