I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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