No awkward lesbian experiences without me
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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