I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Also, beer. Big fan.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
