guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
