i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
