I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
