I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
