pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
