One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
