No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
