Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
