Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
