you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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