Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
there is puke in my bra ... again
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