I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
