my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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