What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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