That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Randomize
