i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
