Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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