hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
