It was confusing and full of hummus
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
