u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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