so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize