so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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