I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
