i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
