Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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