I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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