So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
