you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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