Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
