Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
