the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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