I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
