Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
