I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i've created a new STD.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
