Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
