I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
