o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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