i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
