if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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