I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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