Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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