I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
