The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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