can we get nightvision for the apartment?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
