Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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