i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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