why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
