Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
