people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
