Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
