We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
