i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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