i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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