5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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