I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize