We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
