I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize