Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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