dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
